From childhood, the practice of celebrating my birthday has been inconsistent at best. Of all my birthdays, two celebrations stand out. The first, at seventeen: my mother and two younger brothers sang happy birthday to me after school, I enjoyed a delicious Italian birthday cake and my mother gave me a Smith Corona typewriter in support of my wish to become a writer. My second most memorable birthday celebration was for my 21st birthday. My mother hosted a house—or more aptly named—“apartment” party, which included many family members. In true Dominican style, this was a great gathering filled with delicious food and lots of merengue and bachata dancing.
A couple of weeks ago, I turned fifty, by all accounts a monumental birthday – half a century on the planet! Though celebrating in the age of the Covid-19 pandemic can be a challenge, it was truly a magnificent birthday weekend and one that left me drunk with the feeling of being loved, acknowledged, valued and celebrated. Although the pandemic has taken so much from us all, I cannot help but feel grateful for all the ways in which family, friends and colleagues surprised and celebrated me. These celebrations did not happen in ways that I would likely experience in a non-pandemic world, and the circumstances made them all the more meaningful.
Though there were many birthday cards, flowers, fruit and chocolates and other deliveries, it was the time dedicated by others to celebrating me and making a point of telling me how much I meant to them that was most moving and impactful. It was the gift of time, and sharing of sweet memories of what we have experienced together and the many ways that we have connected over the years.
The day after my birthday, I felt what I fondly described as a “love hangover”. It was so wonderful to have others express love and good wishes for me that I woke up with a headache, feeling a bit faint and fatigued though I had not worked all weekend. I felt fully accepted, valued and nurtured and in need of nothing but a recuperative nap Monday afternoon.
Living Consciously
My recent birthday experience has caused me to reflect about the importance of living consciously and in particular making time for those who are important to us and for doing the things we love. It is one of the greatest lessons of the times we are living in—do not wait because tomorrow is not promised to anyone and we don’t want to live with regret.
Have you ever considered what it would mean for you to live more consciously? How could you make the time needed for loved ones and for doing what brings you joy?
Working to increase your sense of awareness can help you to become more present with every aspect of your life. Enhancing your awareness about what is meaningful to you can facilitate your ability to intentionally focus on priorities and create new experiences by paying attention to what is most important and meaningful to you now and for the future.
Focusing on practices like slowing down, breathing deeply, taking breaks, refreshing your senses and reflecting on family, friends and colleagues who are important to you can help you to effectively plan how to stay connected and identify opportunities to nurture your relationships.
Time is at a premium these days. Most of us are so busy with work, family, and various obligations, there’s little time left to reach out to others or do the things we’d really like to do. Living consciously and with awareness can help you to find the time you need to feel connected and excited about your life.
When was the last time you called an old friend to tell them that you miss them? What life-long passion could you invest more time in? It’s not easy to find time for others or to pursue your passions, but this is a kind of self-love that is essential to your happiness.
Creating Time to Do What You Love
There’s usually a way if you are intentional and design your actions and behaviors to create fulfillment.
Use these techniques to create the time you need to connect with others and to do the things you truly love:
Decide what you want to make room for. The best way to motivate yourself to create more free time in your life is to identify what you want to make time for. What are the most important things you’d like to spend more time on? Do you want to reconnect with an old friend? ? Perhaps you want to take some time to read a book from your list? Work intentionally to figure out how you’d like to use your time, and consider the emotional (rather than intellectual) reasons they are important to you. Staying out of your head and focusing on reasons that give you an emotional response and move your heart will inspire you.
Use your mornings wisely. Many people waste their mornings; make the most of yours. Go to bed earlier and get up earlier, using the extra time in your day to focus on the things you’ve decided to make room for. You may need to resist the urge to check social media or your email first thing, but if you take this time for yourself you will be rewarded. I am still working on going to bed early but have recently started a short morning routine that helps me center myself before starting my day. I find that it is often easier to do something worthwhile in the morning than in the evening.
Understand the ways you waste time. I can be quite ingenious at wasting time. Watch yourself for a day and write down all the ways you waste time. When you understand where your time is leaking away, you can start working on solutions.
Make a schedule. A schedule can keep you on track and help to ensure that your time is being spent in meaningful ways. A schedule can help to minimize the amount of time you waste. During these last few challenging months, I have tried to build time into my schedule to do the things I enjoy the most. Making (and keeping!) appointments with yourself is one of the best tools you can use to build accountability with yourself.
Prioritize and eliminate. Perhaps you just have too many non-essential things going on in your life. It might be time to cut back on a few of those obligations. Take a look at everything you have to do each day/week/month and think about how much value those things add to your life. You can probably find something to remove from your life.
Multitask. Multitasking sometimes helps. You might make phone calls or do important reading while sitting on an exercise bike. Get your exercise in while taking the dog for a walk. Make a few phone calls while you’re waiting in line. On days when I don’t feel very motivated, I often pair up my daily walk with taking my dog out and before I know it, I am outside, Toby is excited and my mindset has changed.
Personal Reflection
It may be said that our lives may be long enough for anything we wish to experience as long as we manage our time carefully and intentionally. You can find time to do the things you love. You can live consciously if you determine what you want to create time for and make it happen.
A coaching client recently shared the following statement as told to them by an elder in their family during a reflective interaction.
“We all get to a point in life when we wonder if we are missing something. It is important to reflect on what we have done and what has crossed our path. But we must also appreciate what we have even when we are tempted and wonder if the cake is sweeter elsewhere.”
What are you willing to give up to live more consciously?
How can you be more intentional in connecting to those who are important to you?
How can you create more time to do the things you love and experience more fulfillment?